Want Love? First You Must Give It To Yourself

written by Patty Sherry

“Treat others how you want to be treated,” this is what I learned growing up.

Be loving, kind, loyal, and nurturing, and people will treat me this way too. Believing this is a logical conclusion.

But I have been all of these things with some people, and yet they were not so loving or loyal toward me.

I was invited to be a Relationships expert on a new website called wizpert, where callers can seek advice about their relationship issues, and I’ve had many calls from people about this issue.

Callers would tell me, “ I’ve been so loving and understanding, why is he treating me this way?”

“What’s wrong with me, why am I not good enough for them?”

“ I do so much for him/her…..and I don’t understand!”

Callers would describe their relationship as being very one-sided. They were the ones giving, and not receiving much back. Often they would conclude with, “…. I really love him, but I just wish he would treat me better!”

If you want love, first you must give it to yourself.

This has been my own life lesson, and I have shared it with my callers. The other day a young woman asked me to define what this meant.

I shared that we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. If I do not value my own happiness, and I constantly put someone else’s happiness above my own, all in the name of “being loving”,  I am not being very loving toward myself.

If someone shows me by their actions that they do not value me, or that they are not concerned about my happiness, then continuing to give and give to this person is NOT giving very much to myself.

I was taught to be a ‘giving” person, but I was not taught to be very giving to myself.

But I have evolved to be more giving to myself.

At first my actions really upset the apple cart, I stopped being the same old Patty, in some cases I stopped interacting with people or I removed myself from situations.

When I pushed past people’s remarks, when I ignored their assumptions or how they may have analyzed me, and when I let go of  their dislikes of my actions, life had a way of unfolding for me.

I am a more loving person to myself, and people came into my life and mirrored this love back to me. This mirror has been my confirmation.

If you want love, you must give it to yourself first.

With Love & Fireworks,

14 thoughts on “Want Love? First You Must Give It To Yourself

  1. I LOVE this Patty! I share much of your experiences. I vote for more love any day! and definitely towards ourselves…then that love reverberates throughout the world and comes back to us….Beautiful message today.

    Love + gratitude,

  2. Very, VERY true! I learned this very lesson from Louise Hay and it has stuck with me for many years. Another point to add from someone I admore… Wayne Dyer says that you cannot give what you don’t have… so if you do not have love for yourself how can you possibly expect to give away what you don’t have, to someone else. Beautiful post, thank you for sharing.

  3. Love, love, love this. My life has improved dramatically since I started loving myself first before anyone else. I’m happier. I have better relationships. Life is more alive. I love being selfish in this way.

    • Hi Tabitha, thank you so much for reading my post. I love it that you are being selfish in this way!! I agree, life has indeed changed for me..at first i admit it was a bit rocky ( people do notice when you change) BUT ultimately I’ve never been happier.

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  5. Hi Patty, this is a really important post for women! I just wrote one asking the question : what if you were pregnant? Wouldn’t that change how you treat yourself? Most of us have not learned how to truly nurture ourselves from our mothers or grandmothers. I had a life of self rejection until I discovered how self love can transform everything…everything. I dream of a day when our daughters never question honoring themselves first, from a place of self love. Thanks for writing this important message.

    • Very interesting question, and so true that women when they are pregnant do treat themselves much better…many will eat better, take vitamins, etc because of the baby. There seems to be a permission to even rest more for the baby…

      Thank you so much for reading my blog, and for your comments. I think the future generations of young women will learn much more about self love than our generation did….and that is a good thing 🙂

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  7. Hi Patty! This post reminded me of the Truth that we have no real influence over what other people do or don’t do (I always tell my clients to remember this: “what’s happening with them is about them, not about me”). So the best we can do is foster our own Light/Love within ourselves. From there it pours out. And beyond that – well, it’s not under our control to begin with (but you gotta figure that when you’re oozing love, good things are going to happen!). Thanks for this dialog and the work you put into the world!

  8. Love right back at you you know I find that great good energy passes through me when I care to confront the issue of “I Like Me” therefore I like you, and pray for you, in spite of how you might feel about me. In fact given the opportunity, to love when we have choices is a wonderful gift. Thanks for letting me share.

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