written by Patty Sherry, founder of Share Your Love Story.
Have you ever found yourself in one of those pivotal moments where you question where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to go? Ever shouted out loud, “What is the meaning of life?”
How about just finding yourself once again in that oh so familiar situation, arguing about those oh so familiar things, with maybe even THAT same person, and hearing that little voice in your head screaming at you, “What the hell am I doing?”
I can say without doubt that I have heard this internal voice. There are people in your life who can just bring it out in you, and it can be so easy to look at them and want to run like hell.
But when I hear that internal voice asking, “What the hell am I doing?” I know it’s time to reevaluate something within myself, because something I am doing isn’t working.
Or I wouldn’t be in this place….Annoyed. Defensive. Angry.
So why would you feel the need to be defensive with someone? One thing I have learned about my own defensiveness is that it is usually triggered by traces of my GUILT or the belief that I have somehow done something wrong. If these beliefs didn’t exist, I would not feel the need to defend anything.
As much as I can take the focus off me and place it on them and what they say, doing so will not erase what has been triggered ( guilt) and usually just exacerbates my next emotion.
Why would you get angry or annoyed with people? One reason is because they have crossed over some line or boundary with you. Maybe they expect more from you than you can give? Maybe you feel like they are taking advantage? Once again, it can be pretty easy to go into a diatribe of, ” How dare they….”
Another reason is that inherent need to be right. It can be seductive and powerful, but if you put two people together who both need to be right…..Oh holy Hell, watch out!
Sometimes I have cursed the day I chose the path of self awareness… ( just kidding!) My choice of “self awareness” has forced me to always bring the focus back to me and something I have learned is to check in with myself for a few things when I find myself shouting, “What the hell am I doing?”
This really helps me with my relationships: I check in…
What am I feeling guilty over?
Have I failed to set boundaries?
Is this about me being right?
If I answer yes to any of these questions, then I start a new plan of action. A plan that will give me a different result than the one I have been getting. Let go of some more of that guilt. Re-evaluate and communicate boundaries, Let go of that need to be right.
Chances are, the next time you find yourself shouting, “What the hell am I doing?” asking yourself these three questions might give you your answer.
With Love and Fireworks,